Oversimplified (It's a wonderful world Collection)
by Digital Riot
Summary: This is a parody of basically every youtube history channel, in which Blu talks of different subjects that afflicts Human society with precise and strong evidence, arguments and reasoning. This story contains 100% truth and nothing less. Do not fact check my arguments, please. Or else. You can request a new topic for Blu to discuss if you want. You probably won't though, so ok.
1. Climate Change oversimplified

**_Climate Change oversimplified_**

Climate Change. Invented in the 1800's when some guy figured out that burning coal makes trains and factories go. 

Climate change has become a dominant issue in politics worldwide, especially here in the United States where many believe that it will lead to our ultimate demise.

Climate Change is such a big issue today because baby-boomers kept shooting toxic pollution in the skies in order to melt the polar ice caps, so they could finally desalinize the ocean, and drink out of the Atlantic. Life expectancy was low during this time period so many of these people didn't think they would live to see the problems caused by this, and therefore wouldn't have to deal with it. Unfortunately for them, healthcare got better and now they are in it for the ride, with the rest of us millennials.

Climate Change really is a issue because of the ice that surrounds the flat earth is melting at an alarming rate. This means that by the year 2022 Canada will no longer be a country, and instead it will just be a couple of islands that Toronto, Quebec and Vancouver reside on. As those are the only parts of Canada that are confirmed to be real anyway, it wouldn't be that bad. Canada wouldn't be hit too hard by it, as those are literally the only places where humans live in the entire country.

Of course, melting ice means that sea levels will rise, because ice is made of water and if you melt ice you get water and water tends to increase in size when put together. Because of this literally any city located next to the coast will become Atlantis and will be a fun underwater theme park for the humans who survive the apocalypse and our alien overlords in the future. Basically, Earth will become a polluted SeaWorld theme park, run by the Google corporation when they establish complete dominance over the human race, after integrating Chromebook laptops into the human brain. This may sound bad, but it isn't that bad to be real. Mark Zuckerberg can't just look through Facebook to see if you happened to put all of your personal information on the site. He can just look directly in your brain and thought processes instead.

However, this doesn't mean that Climate Change is a bad thing. In fact it is a good thing! Because the Earth is flat and is surrounded by a thick layer of ice, the illuminati is making it so we never figure out what's beyond the massive ice wall. So the objective should be to pollute the air as much as possible so that we can figure out, once and for all, what is actually behind it.

The key to life itself could lie behind the wall, and yet the government doesn't want us to know. Of course, as with any plan, there are some flaws to it.

The drawbacks; Yeah, the Earth may become uninhabitable for any life to survive in the next ten years, but honestly if Boomers think us Millenials and Gen Z's are so bad, maybe we shouldn't be able to see what the next generation has in store for the species.

Other than that, I can't see anything else wrong with the plan.

To me the benefits far outweigh the positives, and even if our entire planet goes from a cool blue color to a toxic brown, at least we figured out what was behind the now melted ice wall. And let's be honest, nothing bad could ever happen to the human race because Elon Musk exists and he is the real life version of Iron Man. By the time Earth is destroyed, we can just take one of his electric cars and fly to Mars. Not a bad tradeoff.

In the resulting apocalypse the Human race will have to revert back to the Biblical texts for guidance and Elon Musk would become the modern version of Noah. His electric car would be Noah's ark, and he would only be able to take two of every animal to Mars with him in order to keep both the Human race and any animal in the world alive.

There are also drawbacks to this I guess, he wouldn't be able to take a lot of people, just the people he like. So literally any of the Instagram models he has dated over the years, and maybe his kids. And probably the hundreds of kilos of weed that he needs to power the vehicle. But lets be honest, most of the Human race are disgusting pieces of shit anyway, and probably deserve to die due to the toxic smog. Since Elon Musk is a genius, and the women he brings with him to Mars are fucking hot, the human race will actually elevate into a race of beings with superior intellect and physical beauty. We are talking about girls with the brains of Albert Einstein, and hitting straight 9's and 10's. That a good deal to me, even if I don't get to live to see it happen. At least I know that somebody somewhere will, on Mars.

(Until the United States finds oil on Mars, and sends a intergalactic fleet to destroy Elon's perfect society)

But until the ultimate demise of the Human Race, happens, we are stuck with people who are smart but not hot, hot but not smart, or somewhere in between yet having neither of the above at the same time. At least there is still some fresh air in the world. Until the Lorax comes and delivers his wrath upon the human race, and then we have to start breathing bottled air made from O'hare air. This actually is reality in areas of China, I'm not even joking when I say that. You can look it up.

They sell bottled air made in Canada on Amazon for a couple of bucks. I may have brought a few to sample it for myself.

It was nice.


	2. America Oversimplified

**_America Oversimplified_**

America, invented in 1775 by some guys who were so drunk that they managed to defeat the worlds largest empire simply by invoking the wrath of the Statue of Liberty to stomp on London.

As an American myself, I am actually the least qualified to explain to you the history of the nation as the average American knows less about the history of the USA than our European or even Canadian counterparts. However, I briefly paid attention once in my history class, and I will share some of my wisdom with the rest of you.

America. The only country to measure time by how many 7/11's you can drive past before hitting a red light.

If you don't happen to live anywhere nearby a 7/11, time could also be measured by how many schoolchildren you can run over with your car trying to cross the street, because you are driving 160mph in a school zone.

America, the only country to have banned cooking with oil, because that would result in a squad of armed US Marines kicking down your door. The only country in the world to use its armed forces exclusively for the purpose of taking oil from underdeveloped countries.

The government of the worlds foremost powerful country has allowed it to adapt to the changes that has faced it in its 2-300 year long history, and allowed it to become the superpower it is today. The government actually is pretty simple and follows only a few basic departments that all assert power over each other to keep the government balanced, in a series of checks and balances.

At the top of the government power chain is Israel. *ahem*, yup.

The second highest in this power chain is the president of the United States. He usually serves anywhere from 4-8 years, and makes the general policies of the US government. The only requirement to be President is that you must be a citizen of the United states (Whether it be naturalized or if you were born here), lived on the territory for at least six years, and have at least passed the 2nd grade. Although the last one seems to be violated more and more as some presidents can't even pass a basic civics course about the place in whence they were born.

Congress is another government institution put in place to pass laws, which most people actually confuse the President to do. The President doesn't pass laws, he just passes the ones Congress passes. Congress is the real law making body in the nation and can be seen as the supreme ruler of the United States. But because of the extreme inefficiency of Congress, it prevents laws from being passed and therefore limits Congress from achieving its full potential and power. Had it been more efficient, and the Congressmen weren't a bunch of people who could care less, Congress would probably have supreme power over the entire world turning the United States from a democracy into a dictatorship.

The Supreme Court is yet another institution that makes sure that the other branches of government are abiding by the fictitious fairytale known as the US Constitution. This Fairytale actually dictates most of the policies in the United States. But since the Constitution doesn't actually exist, most people violate the rules in it anyway. That's why the Supreme Court exists, mostly because without it nobody would know what is and what isn't unconstitutional. In fact the Supreme Court may be the single most important part of the US government, and doesn't get the credit it deserves. Probably because most Americans can't point The United States out on a map, and they don't know how their government works anyway.

Now you may be asking yourself, _how did the United States become a nation?_

Great question, and unless you are using a real source to fact-check me (Hopefully you aren't) I have all the correct answers.

The United States actually used to be a colony owned by the British up until 1775. More specifically a Penal Colony, in which Britain would send over the worst of the worst over to live and create a new self-functioning society. This eventually bit them in the ass when the prisoners in the American colonies got sick of being referred to as prisoners all the time and rebelled against the British and their Correctional Officers.

Also they were highly drunk, so drunk that they realized that people had rights. Even if they were prisoners.

When the prisoners, headed by a former Corrections Officer himself George Washington, won their independence from the British they set up a government in which the people would be regarded as actual citizens. Most of this new government revolving around the myth of Human Rights, which influenced them to write the fairytale: The U.S. Constitution.

The British however suffered because of this. They had no place to send their prisoners. They couldn't send them to Canada because the people over there were too nice and if the Prisoners were sent there, they would've turned into decent human beings (And you cant have that!). So the British looked for a new place to send their prisoners.

The British eventually found the perfect place, a huge island in the pacific that had an environment that kills people, wildlife that kills people, weather that kills people, people that kill people *Aboriginals*, and the island was basically a death sentence to anyone who tried to venture there. You guys know what I'm talking about, that island is Australia!

Back to the United States now, the Americans soon adopted a policy of Westward expansion to feed the ever increasing demands of the new nation. Spreading peace and democracy to the millions of natives that died for unknown reasons soon after the expansion. Apparently shooting them at point blank range with rifles and committing mass genocide wasn't how you were supposed to spread liberty, and so the Americans stopped. But by that time, around 90% of the native population already died, so nobody really cared.

After helping their dad, Britain defeat Germany in two World Wars (That's a 2-0 streak Hans!), the United States emerged as one of the most dominant nations in the entire world. They had a huge rival, the USSR which is short for United edgelords of Super Succ Right now. The USSR was a communist nation, the USA was a democratic one. So the two decided to have a friendly staring competition, with nuclear bombs just in case a fight breaks out. The USSR blinked first and because of this, they collapsed and died, into a bunch of warring states that ride bears, wear only Adidas tracksuits, drink heavy vodka, and reminisce of the days when they were sure the USA would've blinked first.

And that's the entire history of the United States, no more and no less. There is nothing more or less to it, and everything you have heard here was one-hundred percent true. Please don't look any of this stuff up however, because the internet is an actual liar.

Okay fine, there was this one time we went and invaded Vietnam. But we lost so everybody pretends it didn't happen? Okay?


	3. Intelligence Oversimplified

**_Intelligence Oversimplified_**

In terms of intelligence levels among living creatures, there is really no clearly defined definition of what intelligence actually is. Some people argue that intellect is the ability to use critical thinking. I disagree with this definition, considering that a surprising majority of people can't do that, thereby making the Human race no different from any other animal.

Others say that Intelligence is built primarily on ones ability to survive, however I also disagree with that because if you put a Human in the middle of nowhere it would die. But if you put a tree in the middle of nowhere, it would survive. Thereby making trees of higher intellect that Humans, and that is just something I can't agree with.

The last definition of intelligence is one that I actually subscribe to. Intelligence is denoted by who you choose to main in Super Smash Brothers. Now this is a actually good explanation of intelligence, as not only does it show someone's actual skill level, it also shows how well they can survive against others who are potentially better than them but picked a weaker main. This would mean that I am of about average intellect, as I usually choose a mid-tier main like R.O.B. and absolutely dab on everyone with a slightly weaker main, no matter the skill of the player.

However this does mean I get absolutely stomped on by players with lower skill yet higher tier characters like Link, or…I don't know… literally anyone else in the game.

Also this definition is loose because many people don't play Smash in the first place. And most animals (Yes including Blue Macaws like myself) cannot play video games period, much less understand what a main is.

So I will give you my tier list of intelligence as I am more than qualified to tell you.

At the lowest tier of intelligence you have animals that don't show any real sign of brain activity, if they even have a brain. This list includes, Jellyfish, Algae, bacteria, people who main Bayonetta in Smash, all plants, and some species of fish and insects.

These animals usually have no sign of brain activity, and some do not have brains or organs in general, in the first place. These are lowest tier because of their ability to figure out problems and the such, and think for themselves.

Second lowest you have most reptiles. They have the initial flight or fight response in their brains, so that is useful for not dying.

Third lowest you have a larger variety of small mammals, people who think Reddit Karma translates to IRL clout, insects, fish, and other creatures. They show signs of intelligence, but it isn't anything too amazing.

Middle teir you have animals like the Elephant. They are pretty smart but mostly for logic and critical thinking. These skills are no doubt unique and useful, and can actually help the animal a lot. However, I was watching a BBC documentary that showed the elephant and it aid that the average Elephant had the intellect of an 8-year old human child.

So pretty fucking retarded.

Third highest tier is a variety of apes and chimps, they have been able to use tools to their advantage, however a lot of them usually spend most of their time looking down at their phones and blocking the hallways of highschool nation-wide, making me late to my next class. They can act smart sometimes, but usually it's only in times of necessity, like when the teacher calls on them for a question when they weren't paying attention.

This is also mainly staffed by people who think they are smart, and to prove ti point you to their facebook profile that contains a few pictures of them and a IQ test that they made, in which the correct answer to '_Where does communism originate'_ is 9/10 US imperialism, which we all know isn't true.

Communism comes from Stalin who invented it when he had a fever dream. We all know that.

Second highest tier of intellect is a majority of humans, squid and octopi. They can solve complex puzzles, think for themselves, have at least some level of self-awareness, and know which direction put the key into the key hole after attempting to do so fifteen times to no success. These people generally look everything up on the internet, but understand that the internet does not hold absolute truth. Television does.

They can read the back of the internet router, but still cant find the password to the internet. Many of them understand that Bayonetta mains are trash, yet some still choose Bayonetta because they are weak scrubs And a lot of them show above average, if not superior intellect. They are generally good people, however sometimes they say things like, '_Germany was responsible for World War 1_' and I lose all respect for them. They are usually edgelords that do dumb shit online just because their own lives suck, usually by posting offensive if not just down right sexist and/or racist content *You know who you are*.

God tier intellect refers to those who post good memes on Reddit (which there are only a few of), think they aren't very smart but are, have a thorough concept of reality, can solve complex problems without referring to google more than fifteen times, and usually, have a cool beard. If you are a guy at least.


	4. Social Interactions Oversimplified

Social Interactions. People are very complex creatures and in this day and age, damn near everyday that you think, say, and do is judged harshly by somebody who only judges you just to make themselves feel more secure. Completely ignoring the fact that their own lives are in shambles as well, and really they are probably doing the exact same things you are.

Social Interactions differ from person to person, place to place, and culture to culture. Where I'm from in Minnesota, social interaction usually consists of two lumberjacks with thick beards high fiving each other, both carrying hunting rifles and riding moose. Even within a singular country Social Interactions differ region from region, in Brooklyn it usually consists of two dudes who are dressed exactly the same to sit down on a public bench and observe each other's latest edition timberlands, that looks exactly the same as the last. Usually while eating a baconeggandcheeseonaroll, and chugging unearthly amounts of Arizona or Snapple. In LA social interactions usually take place when two people collide mid-air because of how high they got, and they both spiral out of control down towards the Earth. Air Traffic control in Los Angeles is actually some of the best in the country, because not only do they have to worry about the aircraft flying around in the air, they also have to think of the people who hit the bunt a bit too hard. This also explains why virtually nothing LAX gets done, and why most aircraft are grounded and delayed for about six hours.

In Florida social interactions don't occur on a human-to-human level, usually it consists of two overweight rednecks riding scooters down the street, carrying fully automatic assault rifles, an American Flag, and walking their pet alligator down the street. The two obese men meet and begin a hollering competition at the top of their lungs to establish dominance in that county. The loser is usually fed to the winner's pet alligator.

Other countries also treat social interactions differently, and nowhere is this most prevalent than in Western and Central Europe. When two Spaniards meet for the first time, they are usually riding on top of a bull carrying fully automatic assault rifles. The two Spaniards then engage in a hollering competition at the top of their lungs to establish dominance in that area. The loser is usually fed to the winner's pet Bull.

In France social greetings consist of nothing more than passionate kissing.

Yep.

In England it usually is to see who can drink the most amount of tea in a quarter hour, whilst poking fun at the Floridians, Spaniards, and French for the way they socially interact. When the tea is finished, they then move on to fight over Brexit, which usually results in one or the other joining a certain Irish terrorist cell or the other asserting that the English are superior to any other nation and people, and therefore needs to isolate themselves from the rest of Europe to preserve that *Boris*.

In Germany social interactions are very rare and uncommon, and when they do happen it usually consists of two angry German men staring at each other blankly and then grunting in disapproval. That or the two get piss drunk in a bar and proceed to passionately kiss whilst eating sauerkraut on a Hamburger.

In Finland Social interactions don't happen. There is so much space and so few people that the average Finnish-born person will typically only see about three people in their lives, their mom, their dad, and themselves in the mirror.

In Ireland Social Interactions happen all year long, but especially around St. Patrick's day when two Irish men get piss drunk to see who could chug eighty pints of Guinness in one sitting. And then proceed to parade around Dublin naked, passing out in a bush somewhere. Or in someone's backyard. Which is all cool and good, because the homeowner will probably just invite the man inside for another pint of Guinness and both will end up somewhere in England being held in a prison cell for belonging to a certain Irish nationalist organization.

In Russia, much like in Ireland, it consist of two dudes wearing Adidas tracksuits drinking inhuman quantities of Vodka. However, instead of passing out, they evolve into their true selves. Usually into a 9 foot 12 inches, overly buff lumberjack dude with a mustache named Boris. And will proceed to have a pro-Putin parade in which they burn flags of the America pigs and raise flags of the old USSR.

Of course there is a worldwide standard for social dialogue and interaction, usually through the form of memes. Memelords typically spend hours on photoshop, Imgflip, or any other meme-creating platform to make a high-quality meme. All just for a couple of upvotes on Reddit, and to see their Karma score go up from 15 to 16. And maybe if they are lucky, someone, somewhere, will comment, "_Nice meme, dude_", which usually makes the Memelord feel like their life has been complete, and most usually self-destruct within 15 minutes.

Social Interactions across the world have come to represent the various different shapes, colors, and sizes people around the world are. Which is why they are so different in different places. People are people no matter where you go, and they will usually do or say something that you don't quite pick up on the first time.


	5. Greece Oversimplified

**_Greece Oversimplified_**

Greece, established a very long time ago when some guys sat down and said, '_Hey wouldn't it be cool if we established an empire on this chain of islands and mountains?'_ and then established an empire on a chain of islands and mountains.

Modern Greece is nothing more than a shell of its former self. When it isn't a slave to Germany because of its massive debts to the EU, it's probably started shit with Turkey and literally any other nation in the Mediterranean.

And making those Greek version of tacos, I love gyros.

(Lamb is my favorite)

Greece actually shares a lot of similarities with Italy. And in fact the history of the two goes way back. Both Italy and Greece were world spanning empires in their heyday. But then someday, somewhere it all went wrong.

In oversimplified terms, Rome is the cheap knockoff of Greece, that sold more than the original and caused the original to go bankrupt and become absorbed by the cheap company. Kind of like Coca-cola and Pepsi.

(Pepsi still had the worlds 7th largest navy, so fuck you coke man)

Alexander the great was one of the most notable Greek people, as he literally ate Persia and some of India for breakfast. The Greeks made colonies, some of the colonies became so powerful it made colonies. However it was all going to come crashing down soon enough when the Italian knockoff of the Greek empire came about. The Roman Republic, and soon Empire, ultimately stomped Greece to the curb and for the next 1000 years virtually all of European society would revolve around Rome and Italy in general (Which is basically every Civ 6 game). Or Turkey. But that's beside the point.

After the collapse of the Roman Empire, the Byzantine Empire controlled Greece for a brief period of time. The capital of the Empire however, was in Constantinople which was a global center of trade and was envied by literally anyone who did not have immediate access to Mediterranean or Atlantic, like the Islamic Rashidun kingdom. The Islamic world and the Byzantines fought for a good long time but in the process they lost Greece to the Islamic kingdoms.

When the Ottoman Empire finally ate Constantinople Greece was firmly in the hands of the Ottoman people and this would continue for a very, very, very long time. Other than a few rebellions little else happened in this region until the mid-15th century when Europe got sick and tired of being dominated by the Ottomans, when Austria, Russia, and Venice decided to do something about it.

However Greece still remained as a territory of the Ottomans until the 19th century when they gained independence from the Turks by throwing flaming Gyros at them and burning the Turks with them. This is a similar tactic that the IRA and Sinn Fein used against the British, but instead of Gyros they either used a bottle of Guinness or a potato. Both on fire.

Greece was henceforth uninvolved in European affairs until about World War 2 when some crazy bald guy named Mussolini thought it would be amazing if Italy recreated the Roman Empire. However the only problem was that Italy was in no shape at all to recreate the Roman Empire. They did manage to take Ethiopia and Albania, but when they declared war on Greece they were defeated almost humiliatingly. It took the joint effort of Germany, Bulgaria, and Hungary to defeat Greece while Italy just switched to the other team when they started losing.

The Greeks couldn't hold the invading Axis forces for much longer so Britain, determined to keep the Mediterranean open for their tea imports, put their own troops inside of Greece and successfully repelled the Germans. And by successfully, I mean lost completely. However, it was enough that the Germans couldn't replenish the thousands of casualties they took and it slowed them down greatly.

After the war was over Britain and the United States sponsored the monarchy in Greece while a bunch of Soviet backed rebels tried to undermine it. This is a extremely complex series of affairs that I have no qualification in explaining other than looking at a brief Wikipedia article. So I'm not gonna even attempt to explain the civil war. Just know it was violent. The Royalists won and a pro US government was established with aid from the Marshall Plan.

Yet this money was of course short term, as now Greece is swimming in debt to the EU. So in conclusion Germany did win over Greece in the long run. Kinda.

When Greece isn't a puppet of literally any nation with a navy larger than a couple of sailboats, they are a puppet of any nation with literally more than five dollars to spare. Now it is a popular resort for Americans and Germans alike. As they relax inside of the country while the people drink off-brand vodka to reminisce about the good 'ole days of Alexander the Great. They sometimes fight with Turkey, but nobody cares. They sometimes fight with Bulgaria, but nobody cares. They sometimes fight themselves, but nobody cares. And sometimes they fight Bosnia. But nobody cares.

Greek history, as simple as it is complex. And you heard it here first, Oversimplified of course.


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